LOOK/SEE, LISTEN/HEAR

Years ago while on an assignment inside the home of a client, I went into my usual routine to make the person feel at ease with a stranger in their home. I would start with a broad smile at the door and jovial dialogue during my introduction. As a plumber in public housing, the average resident greets you with apprehension if not anger. Usually because they have been waiting for quite a while to get what you came for repaired, and have taken a day off from work to grant you entrance. There are many who mirror the mood and attitude of these residents, and that only further exasperates the resident. I've long realized that when you enter someones home as a worker you are entering their safe zone, and should take care to cause the least amount of disruption to their lives as possible. This particular day I was in rare form. Quick witted, smart, and very funny (IMO). The resident in this case was a man in his late 20's tall with an athletic build. He was extremely cordial and receptive, but I only managed to get small smiles and polite responses to all my little quips. At one point I commented that he looked as if he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and thats when he dropped the bomb on me. 

He apologized profusely for not being more responsive and told me that I was correct, he hadn't slept well that night because his mother had died unexpectantly the day before. Just then I found my way outside of myself and actually took stock of my surroundings. The mans hair was unkempt as if he had just gotten out of bed, his eyes were red as if he was crying all night, the apartment was purposely dark, and there were loose pictures all across the living room table. Everywhere I looked the signs of mourning were clear and present, yet in my attempts to make him comfortable I missed them all. Maybe in reality I was just trying to make myself more comfortable. I realized then that it takes more than some self aware pleasantries to comfort others. You have to leave your own mind and be aware of (if not understand) what others are going through. Its not a difficult thing and doesn't take any great intellect. All it takes is to actual see what you are looking at, and hear what you are listening to. But that is not the greatest lesson I learned after this incident. I was schooled by this gentleman about grace under extreme duress. He had just lost someone who may have been his greatest love, and yet he had grace to entertain the whims of a court-jester of a plumber. This noble gentleman actually apologized to me for not being even more cordial than he had already been. Not only do I now pay more attention to my surroundings as it relates to people and their condition, I try hard not to react negatively to others based on my own trials and tribulations.